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Hey alright guys, this is a true story thats original to this blog only- AND – it happened today! Hurray! Ok, so today I got out of my piano lessons at 4:30pm. There is a bank next building over. So usually my Mom picks me up afterward in the parking lot, (yeah she picks me up I can’t drive- cue laughter whatever) I noticed that she wasn’t waiting there so I walked around the parking lot just to make sure. As I was passing by the back entrance of the bank- there were a few people inside staring at me. I didn’t think of it much at first, I was calling home and walking around in a circle. After I finished getting off the phone, the people who were staring at me were gone from the windows and there was a woman who was locking the back door. She gave me a odd/fearful look and so I just gave her the “whatever” expression and walked off.

So it usually takes my Mom about 10 minutes to get to where I was so I took out 1984 (which is a good read, I recommend it) and using my backpack as a pillow, laid down and read on the small strip of grass that was in front of the bank. About 1 1/2 minutes later, this cop car pulls up beside me (because the lawn strip was close to the parking lot) and I looked over and was like, “wtf”. I get up and the cop gets out. He was a bald guy of about 30+ years.

Cop: “Can I see your ID?”

Me: “Ah yeah, sure.” [pulls out student ID]

Cop: “Alright” [Takes ID, scribbles some notes]

Cop: “When is your birthday?”

Me: “February 26th, 1990”

Me: “Can you tell me whats going on?”

Cop: “Well, last week this bank was robbed by a young man, who was thin, had dark hair, lightly tanned skin and a black bag. Before he robbed the bank he hung around the back parking lot area for a few minutes before he went in and held the place up. And the people at the bank reported that there was a guy walking around the back of the bank who matched the suspect who robbed the bank last week.”

Me: [Thinking, oh shit, because I totally match the description, I was carrying my black messenger bag AND I was making phone calls while just walking around the back of the bank]

“Oh………funny you never hear things like that….”

Cop: “Yeah, you look like the guy, but you’re not the guy. The real guy was about 20 years or older and everyone was sure he had a wig on.”

Me: “Really? Man, thats pretty crazy.”

Cop: “Yeah, sorry to alarm you or anything.”

Me: “Oh its no big deal, but you scared me there for a second.”

Cop: “Sorry about that….by the way, you waiting for someone or what?”

Me: “Oh yeah I was waiting for my Mom to pick me up- I just got out of my piano lessons like 10 minutes ago over there.” [points at building]

Cop: “Hm. Well take it easy- now I just gotta go tell the people inside its ok.” [laugh]

Me: “Good day!” [at that moment my Mom arrives and I jump in and drive off without any other hassle- oh and I say good day a lot to adults because I’ve worked as a cashier at a few jobs and I’m so used to saying it]

Overall it was a jarring experience. I had no idea why those people inside the building were freaking out and locking all the exits, but now I do. 😄 It actually crossed my mind that maybe they thought I was attractive or something and they just couldn’t keep their greedy eyes off me- Ha! Wow! Totally wrong!

-Neverhitboxes

-Staring does not equal hotness. -Neverhitboxes

Ok, so this past month has been crazy! So many games have released in such a short frame of time! Its insane! On top of all this, I have just received a new computer from my brother, (thank you Jimmy!) this has opened up a WHOLE new world of opportunities! Now I can actually play games that I was previously not able to on my old computer! (pictures of my rig soon to come!)
So first off, I made a “pact” with Skoh-Fley. If I got a new computer or if I reformatted- I would start playing WoW (World of Warcraft for the acronym inept) again. So I have new computer so I started playing WoW again- and man is it awesome! It runs way above 60 FPS virtually all the time now! When I first started playing WoW- I thought it was “ok” because not only did it look ugly on my old computer- but it just seemed like boring complex game. Second time around, my opinion has changed- the game is really fun and addicting! All my friends play it and it looks great!

Now, not only do I get to play WoW again, I can play HL2 (Half-Life 2 for the people who hate all things good) at a decent frame rate finally! No more blurry ass textures! No more slowdown! Yay! Skoh was nice enough to lend me the Orange Box, so I have been basically playing through HL2:Episode 1+2 and Portals. I still cant get over the initial fact that my computer can now run these games. Whenever I read about a new PC game coming out I was like- whatever, I won’t even be able to play it anyways- BUT now thats not the case! I can totally play virtually any game! HELL YEAH!

___________________________________

Title: “Headhumpers.”

So now with that update and excitement out of the way, I can fill you in on a story! If you clicked on this story and saw the title and expected to find porn, well, there is none. This story will only really interest the people who played HL2:E1 or likewise.

Its late at night, on a Wednesday, I had just finished a episode of my podcast (PopCast- soda reviewing). We reviewed Redbull and we ended at like 10pm. Totally not a good idea to drink a full can of Redbull and have it already be 10pm because I felt like I should still stay up and do something. Naturally I booted up HL2: Episode 1 since my rig can tear it up. Bad idea. I’m not really a wimp, but when it comes to tense games like F.E.A.R and Doom III, I hate them. Being scared sucks and it makes the game not fun. So I’m playing HL2 in the dark, with headphones at what is now 1am. Worst thing ever! I was scared shitless! There is a part in HL2:E1 where you are in an underground parking garage and its pitch black except for what your flash light shows. The thing is that the flashlight dies out after like 25 seconds of being continuously on and you have to turn it off to recharge it! So I’m running around seeing tons of zombies, headcrabs and other shit coming at me- and then my flashlight dies and I can’t see anything but I can hear all of their fucking zombie moaning noises! So I’m freaking out trying to find a place I can at least run too but I can’t see anything so I end up running into either more zombies or a wall! Ah! I hate it so much! I had to use all of my determination to get through that level. And after I stopped playing I was paranoid that those goddamn head crabs would start pouring into my room or zombies would be hanging around my bathroom. Never again. Never again will I drink caffeinated drinks, stay up late and play scary games in the dark at 1am. Terrible idea. They don’t mix. Its like what police officers are always telling teenagers. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t drink and play survival horror games at night.

-Neverhitboxes

I still have nightmares about that cat……

    So let me admit right here, that I am a big fan of Zelda. I bought both the Wii and Zelda at launch and have spent 40+ hours playing it. Being the young and determined person I am, I beat the game in 35 hours. My Dad on the other hand, is not even half way through yet and has spent 100+ hours (according to his save file). Here begins my story.

“God Dammit!” “Shit!” “Oh fuck! I have to do it again?!” These are the sounds that emanate from the downstairs living room. My Dad is playing Zelda again. My Dad is well into his mid fifties and wasn’t born into a generation where video games existed, but even with that said it still doesn’t stop him from swearing up a storm when he gets knocked off his horse or when he dies in a boss battle. My Dad is truly determined to do whatever it takes to beat Zelda. He calls me when I’m out with friends (true story) and asks me, “Hey Jeff, how do you do a Shield Attack? It keeps asking me to do a shield attack and I have no CLUE (with emphasis) what the hell its talking about!” Then I will have to tell him how to do it, and chances are he probably still won’t get it, but by some chance, he discovers how to do it by pure luck accident (aka wave around the controllers).

            His sense of direction is alright in real life, but for some odd reason, real-life doesn’t transfer to what I call, “A Virtual Sense of Direction”(a term coined by me). He always runs around in circles and goes back into rooms he has already been in and wonders why everything looks familiar. It’s a true test of patience, I’ll have to say. I really have to try and not point out what he has to do, or beg him to let me do it for him. It is painful to watch, in fact I’m pretty sure that if you wanted to torture someone, all one would have to do is tie them down and make him/her watch my Dad play Zelda (I can hear their screams of frustration as I type this, “Oh God! You already did that temple!! Somebody, please, I’ll do anything! Get this man a strategy guide!!”). That’s why I usually bring a book with me so I don’t have to silently weep while watching him play (in fact when my brothers came down from LA, my brother Michael pointed out that that we all started reading books when my Dad began to play Zelda).

            Dad, I love you, but your navigation skills I’m afraid are in another castle.

 -Neverhitboxes

    So the story begins when I added my good friend, and went to her profile (on myspace of course). On her page was one of those “interactive refrigerator magnet boards” that one can drag letters to form messages to “get your friends excited about absolutely nothing”. So I put up a geeky reference and just saved it. Then like 5 minutes later, she posts a bulletin……..(The names and pictures have been blurred/sloppily “liquefied” for security reasons, and the rest is pretty self explanatory XD)

Yeah, I guess I am a really dorky guy.

-Neverhitboxes

Does anyone else think this is funny besides me?

Here is one from the archives.

So it all started on my trip in Canada. I was in Montreal. My family had a really nice hotel room, with a really nice bathroom. (I love to comment on how bathrooms are so clean, I don’t know why. Don’t invite me to your house unless your prepared to be criticized for something.)

So I decided to take a shower right away, and critique the the power of the showerhead and what not, so that when I got out of the bathroom, I would give the other members of the family the “Hey its awesome” or “Don’t go in, its depressing” review.

To start off, the shower head itself was SUPER overpowering! I was thrilled! I had no idea that Canadians loved to waste so much water on showering, it was outrageous! The flow was powerful enough that I actually had to lean into the jet of water so that I would not get pushed back by it. Overall it was an awesome experience- but thats not the point of this story.

So the really cool part starts here. A little background- this style shower/tub was fairly deep, I would say about 2 1/2 feet at most. It was shaped like a U or a skating half-pipe. As I reached to grab my soap, it slipped out of my hand- slid down the side of the tub- glided all the way to the other side of the tub- shot up ward and was caught again by my other hand. It was the coolest thing that ever happened to me! The soap acted like a skateboarder, so I did’nt even have to reach down to grab it when I dropped it! I was so shocked and amazed by the experience that I sat down in the tub, and thought more about how cool that was. No joke.

-Neverhitboxes

So after dinner today, I was about to stumble upstairs to go play more video games (and I say that because its the truth), when my Mom suddenly burst out a huge long sentence about animals and backyard things. Recovering from the initial shock of her huge run-on sentence, I asked her what she was talking about. She said that today, while she was working in the backyard, had moved some bags of soil that had been sitting around for awhile. But when she moved them- she noticed that there was a toad/frog chilling out under it! Apparently this was the huge highlight of her day or something, because she was super excited to tell me all about it.

So after her little story, I decided to go out and seek the frog/toad living in our backyard. My Mom guided me to where she found it- and pulled up the bag of soil- and under it we found this:


Frog Suprise!


Can you see it? It has pretty good camouflage. I was actually kind of excited about my new backyard friend! How many people do you know that have frog/toad’s hanging out in their backyards? Chances are, not very many.I took more pictures with my awful camera phone.


Close UpClose up.


Closer UpCloser up.


I like how the frog was giving me a mortified look (kinda like ZOMG). It made the whole thing kinda comical.Better contrast.


Frog Lookin' Good!


Ever so proud of my new friend, my Mom and I created a makeshift pond for him/her and soaked down the soil around the area. I would have to say that this frog/toad is truly an awesome addition to my backyard, I’m actually looking forward to tomorrow to see if he’s still there. Any ideas what we should name him? Comments please XD-Neverhitboxes

Archive Time!

Before I begin, I would like to give some background. I am 17 years old and I started blogging stories about 2 years ago. This is a true story, and it’s one of my stories from the archives of my old blog. Hope you enjoy it?

I’m sure many of you shower, many some of you daily. (if one does not shower daily = black plauge) As for myself, I shower twice a day. Now for most people, showers are awesome because they have awesome showerheads. Well I got none of that fancy waterworks….let me fill you in on how much mine sucks.

Tuning the hot and cold water dials on my shower takes some serious skill. One must have the feel of a locksmith- who can feel the tumblers through the dial of the lock. Like if your hands are soapy, you cant grasp the dials at all- so if your being scalded by by some inconceivable amount of scalding water- your screwed. Not only that, you have to calibrate them back and forth to get the water just right. Like for me, a 1/16 of an inch = 1,000 degrees. So its like this, *tweak* “OH SH**!!” I’m pretty sure if you were to hang outside my house (which I’m sure many of you DON’T) at this time, you would hear alot of screams eminating from my bathroom.

Then there is the showerhead itself. It lets like absolutely zero water through, its astounding, even I still can’t get over how little water it lets through. It has all the power of an old man peeing. It is THEE (with two e’s to put emphasis) worst showerhead ever, and it doesent even shoot out that far. So I have to huddle under it, which is very uncomfortable being that I am taller than the shower heads level and have to crouch under it as the water dribbles out lazily like a haggard beggar.

I think what my problem is, that my showerhead is depressed, and if its not depressed then I dont know what the hell it is but it sure isn’t getting me any cleaner. I want one of those showers where they have 500 showerheads that shoot out from every possible angle, and it consumes as much water as possible. I want it to take up so much water there are droughts! News Tonight: “Sadly 1,000 people died today in Danville where they could not get enough water. Sources indicate that a local teenager’s 10 minute shower was the source of the drought. Police are shocked at the teenager’s atrocious need for water and his appalling cleanliness.” I’d be famous…

-Neverhitboxes