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Ok, so this past month has been crazy! So many games have released in such a short frame of time! Its insane! On top of all this, I have just received a new computer from my brother, (thank you Jimmy!) this has opened up a WHOLE new world of opportunities! Now I can actually play games that I was previously not able to on my old computer! (pictures of my rig soon to come!)
So first off, I made a “pact” with Skoh-Fley. If I got a new computer or if I reformatted- I would start playing WoW (World of Warcraft for the acronym inept) again. So I have new computer so I started playing WoW again- and man is it awesome! It runs way above 60 FPS virtually all the time now! When I first started playing WoW- I thought it was “ok” because not only did it look ugly on my old computer- but it just seemed like boring complex game. Second time around, my opinion has changed- the game is really fun and addicting! All my friends play it and it looks great!

Now, not only do I get to play WoW again, I can play HL2 (Half-Life 2 for the people who hate all things good) at a decent frame rate finally! No more blurry ass textures! No more slowdown! Yay! Skoh was nice enough to lend me the Orange Box, so I have been basically playing through HL2:Episode 1+2 and Portals. I still cant get over the initial fact that my computer can now run these games. Whenever I read about a new PC game coming out I was like- whatever, I won’t even be able to play it anyways- BUT now thats not the case! I can totally play virtually any game! HELL YEAH!

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Title: “Headhumpers.”

So now with that update and excitement out of the way, I can fill you in on a story! If you clicked on this story and saw the title and expected to find porn, well, there is none. This story will only really interest the people who played HL2:E1 or likewise.

Its late at night, on a Wednesday, I had just finished a episode of my podcast (PopCast- soda reviewing). We reviewed Redbull and we ended at like 10pm. Totally not a good idea to drink a full can of Redbull and have it already be 10pm because I felt like I should still stay up and do something. Naturally I booted up HL2: Episode 1 since my rig can tear it up. Bad idea. I’m not really a wimp, but when it comes to tense games like F.E.A.R and Doom III, I hate them. Being scared sucks and it makes the game not fun. So I’m playing HL2 in the dark, with headphones at what is now 1am. Worst thing ever! I was scared shitless! There is a part in HL2:E1 where you are in an underground parking garage and its pitch black except for what your flash light shows. The thing is that the flashlight dies out after like 25 seconds of being continuously on and you have to turn it off to recharge it! So I’m running around seeing tons of zombies, headcrabs and other shit coming at me- and then my flashlight dies and I can’t see anything but I can hear all of their fucking zombie moaning noises! So I’m freaking out trying to find a place I can at least run too but I can’t see anything so I end up running into either more zombies or a wall! Ah! I hate it so much! I had to use all of my determination to get through that level. And after I stopped playing I was paranoid that those goddamn head crabs would start pouring into my room or zombies would be hanging around my bathroom. Never again. Never again will I drink caffeinated drinks, stay up late and play scary games in the dark at 1am. Terrible idea. They don’t mix. Its like what police officers are always telling teenagers. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t drink and play survival horror games at night.

-Neverhitboxes

I still have nightmares about that cat……

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    I apologize for my recent hiatus, I was busy NOT BEING CLEANED BY MY SHOWER! [cue cheering audience] So let me fill you guys in. If you haven’t already read my previous post about My Shower, I suggest you do so before continuing.

SO, I haven’t exactly used my bathroom shower. I have refused to touch it. For the past two years or so I have used my parents bathroom which is FAR FAR superior to my bathroom shower which sucks ass! Today I was forced to use it because my parents had already fallen asleep and I’m not desperate to the point where I sneak my way around their room and into the bathroom JUST to take a shower. So I decided to just give my shower another try.

Horrible HORRIBLE mistake! When I turn the dials to get the water going, the first thing I hear is this awful, awful high pitched whining sound- which makes no sense because first of all, its water and how can water make such an irritating racket?! And second of all, thats just ridiculous. So after the hot water kicks in and and I pull the pin up to get the pathetic flow of water up to the shower head, I find my self awash in a huge torrent of water consulted by a small trickle of water. Great. You know, a bad shower is like a getting a massage from a really weak person, you feel worse and its a real waste of your time (especially if the person who is massaging you always says that they are good giving out massages, but they totally aren’t; so now he/she is lying to you right to your face back) So now I’m huddling once again under this shower head like a hobo/box maven, and now for some apparent reason there is a high pitched whining sound. Basically I’m being peed on, annoyed by this awful sound and I feel less clean because all of the oil from my hair is slowly coating the rest of my body from top to bottom in a thin layer of teenager sweat (yeah it sounds bad, but I assure you it WAS bad). The pressure from the trickle does nothing to help me get rid of dead skin or even wash away sweat from the day which is the total purpose of taking a shower. Overall I think the shower didn’t clean me at all, in fact I know it didn’t. All it did was slowly distribute my dirty sweat evenly over my whole body so every part of me now feels like an overweight person after a labored breathing session. AGH GOD! SMITE DOWN THY SHOWER!

So yeah. Here I sit at my computer, fresh nicely dirty from the shower writing to you people on the internet about my troubles with my shower. If you’ve read this far, you clearly have nothing else better to do, so I suggest you leave me a comment that relates to showers- your own perhaps or at least something that will cheer me up and make me feel like people are actually reading this. Thanks!

-Neverhitboxes

Here is one from the archives.

So it all started on my trip in Canada. I was in Montreal. My family had a really nice hotel room, with a really nice bathroom. (I love to comment on how bathrooms are so clean, I don’t know why. Don’t invite me to your house unless your prepared to be criticized for something.)

So I decided to take a shower right away, and critique the the power of the showerhead and what not, so that when I got out of the bathroom, I would give the other members of the family the “Hey its awesome” or “Don’t go in, its depressing” review.

To start off, the shower head itself was SUPER overpowering! I was thrilled! I had no idea that Canadians loved to waste so much water on showering, it was outrageous! The flow was powerful enough that I actually had to lean into the jet of water so that I would not get pushed back by it. Overall it was an awesome experience- but thats not the point of this story.

So the really cool part starts here. A little background- this style shower/tub was fairly deep, I would say about 2 1/2 feet at most. It was shaped like a U or a skating half-pipe. As I reached to grab my soap, it slipped out of my hand- slid down the side of the tub- glided all the way to the other side of the tub- shot up ward and was caught again by my other hand. It was the coolest thing that ever happened to me! The soap acted like a skateboarder, so I did’nt even have to reach down to grab it when I dropped it! I was so shocked and amazed by the experience that I sat down in the tub, and thought more about how cool that was. No joke.

-Neverhitboxes