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    I apologize for my recent hiatus, I was busy NOT BEING CLEANED BY MY SHOWER! [cue cheering audience] So let me fill you guys in. If you haven’t already read my previous post about My Shower, I suggest you do so before continuing.

SO, I haven’t exactly used my bathroom shower. I have refused to touch it. For the past two years or so I have used my parents bathroom which is FAR FAR superior to my bathroom shower which sucks ass! Today I was forced to use it because my parents had already fallen asleep and I’m not desperate to the point where I sneak my way around their room and into the bathroom JUST to take a shower. So I decided to just give my shower another try.

Horrible HORRIBLE mistake! When I turn the dials to get the water going, the first thing I hear is this awful, awful high pitched whining sound- which makes no sense because first of all, its water and how can water make such an irritating racket?! And second of all, thats just ridiculous. So after the hot water kicks in and and I pull the pin up to get the pathetic flow of water up to the shower head, I find my self awash in a huge torrent of water consulted by a small trickle of water. Great. You know, a bad shower is like a getting a massage from a really weak person, you feel worse and its a real waste of your time (especially if the person who is massaging you always says that they are good giving out massages, but they totally aren’t; so now he/she is lying to you right to your face back) So now I’m huddling once again under this shower head like a hobo/box maven, and now for some apparent reason there is a high pitched whining sound. Basically I’m being peed on, annoyed by this awful sound and I feel less clean because all of the oil from my hair is slowly coating the rest of my body from top to bottom in a thin layer of teenager sweat (yeah it sounds bad, but I assure you it WAS bad). The pressure from the trickle does nothing to help me get rid of dead skin or even wash away sweat from the day which is the total purpose of taking a shower. Overall I think the shower didn’t clean me at all, in fact I know it didn’t. All it did was slowly distribute my dirty sweat evenly over my whole body so every part of me now feels like an overweight person after a labored breathing session. AGH GOD! SMITE DOWN THY SHOWER!

So yeah. Here I sit at my computer, fresh nicely dirty from the shower writing to you people on the internet about my troubles with my shower. If you’ve read this far, you clearly have nothing else better to do, so I suggest you leave me a comment that relates to showers- your own perhaps or at least something that will cheer me up and make me feel like people are actually reading this. Thanks!

-Neverhitboxes

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Here is one from the archives.

So it all started on my trip in Canada. I was in Montreal. My family had a really nice hotel room, with a really nice bathroom. (I love to comment on how bathrooms are so clean, I don’t know why. Don’t invite me to your house unless your prepared to be criticized for something.)

So I decided to take a shower right away, and critique the the power of the showerhead and what not, so that when I got out of the bathroom, I would give the other members of the family the “Hey its awesome” or “Don’t go in, its depressing” review.

To start off, the shower head itself was SUPER overpowering! I was thrilled! I had no idea that Canadians loved to waste so much water on showering, it was outrageous! The flow was powerful enough that I actually had to lean into the jet of water so that I would not get pushed back by it. Overall it was an awesome experience- but thats not the point of this story.

So the really cool part starts here. A little background- this style shower/tub was fairly deep, I would say about 2 1/2 feet at most. It was shaped like a U or a skating half-pipe. As I reached to grab my soap, it slipped out of my hand- slid down the side of the tub- glided all the way to the other side of the tub- shot up ward and was caught again by my other hand. It was the coolest thing that ever happened to me! The soap acted like a skateboarder, so I did’nt even have to reach down to grab it when I dropped it! I was so shocked and amazed by the experience that I sat down in the tub, and thought more about how cool that was. No joke.

-Neverhitboxes

Archive Time!

Before I begin, I would like to give some background. I am 17 years old and I started blogging stories about 2 years ago. This is a true story, and it’s one of my stories from the archives of my old blog. Hope you enjoy it?

I’m sure many of you shower, many some of you daily. (if one does not shower daily = black plauge) As for myself, I shower twice a day. Now for most people, showers are awesome because they have awesome showerheads. Well I got none of that fancy waterworks….let me fill you in on how much mine sucks.

Tuning the hot and cold water dials on my shower takes some serious skill. One must have the feel of a locksmith- who can feel the tumblers through the dial of the lock. Like if your hands are soapy, you cant grasp the dials at all- so if your being scalded by by some inconceivable amount of scalding water- your screwed. Not only that, you have to calibrate them back and forth to get the water just right. Like for me, a 1/16 of an inch = 1,000 degrees. So its like this, *tweak* “OH SH**!!” I’m pretty sure if you were to hang outside my house (which I’m sure many of you DON’T) at this time, you would hear alot of screams eminating from my bathroom.

Then there is the showerhead itself. It lets like absolutely zero water through, its astounding, even I still can’t get over how little water it lets through. It has all the power of an old man peeing. It is THEE (with two e’s to put emphasis) worst showerhead ever, and it doesent even shoot out that far. So I have to huddle under it, which is very uncomfortable being that I am taller than the shower heads level and have to crouch under it as the water dribbles out lazily like a haggard beggar.

I think what my problem is, that my showerhead is depressed, and if its not depressed then I dont know what the hell it is but it sure isn’t getting me any cleaner. I want one of those showers where they have 500 showerheads that shoot out from every possible angle, and it consumes as much water as possible. I want it to take up so much water there are droughts! News Tonight: “Sadly 1,000 people died today in Danville where they could not get enough water. Sources indicate that a local teenager’s 10 minute shower was the source of the drought. Police are shocked at the teenager’s atrocious need for water and his appalling cleanliness.” I’d be famous…

-Neverhitboxes