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Hey alright guys, this is a true story thats original to this blog only- AND – it happened today! Hurray! Ok, so today I got out of my piano lessons at 4:30pm. There is a bank next building over. So usually my Mom picks me up afterward in the parking lot, (yeah she picks me up I can’t drive- cue laughter whatever) I noticed that she wasn’t waiting there so I walked around the parking lot just to make sure. As I was passing by the back entrance of the bank- there were a few people inside staring at me. I didn’t think of it much at first, I was calling home and walking around in a circle. After I finished getting off the phone, the people who were staring at me were gone from the windows and there was a woman who was locking the back door. She gave me a odd/fearful look and so I just gave her the “whatever” expression and walked off.

So it usually takes my Mom about 10 minutes to get to where I was so I took out 1984 (which is a good read, I recommend it) and using my backpack as a pillow, laid down and read on the small strip of grass that was in front of the bank. About 1 1/2 minutes later, this cop car pulls up beside me (because the lawn strip was close to the parking lot) and I looked over and was like, “wtf”. I get up and the cop gets out. He was a bald guy of about 30+ years.

Cop: “Can I see your ID?”

Me: “Ah yeah, sure.” [pulls out student ID]

Cop: “Alright” [Takes ID, scribbles some notes]

Cop: “When is your birthday?”

Me: “February 26th, 1990”

Me: “Can you tell me whats going on?”

Cop: “Well, last week this bank was robbed by a young man, who was thin, had dark hair, lightly tanned skin and a black bag. Before he robbed the bank he hung around the back parking lot area for a few minutes before he went in and held the place up. And the people at the bank reported that there was a guy walking around the back of the bank who matched the suspect who robbed the bank last week.”

Me: [Thinking, oh shit, because I totally match the description, I was carrying my black messenger bag AND I was making phone calls while just walking around the back of the bank]

“Oh………funny you never hear things like that….”

Cop: “Yeah, you look like the guy, but you’re not the guy. The real guy was about 20 years or older and everyone was sure he had a wig on.”

Me: “Really? Man, thats pretty crazy.”

Cop: “Yeah, sorry to alarm you or anything.”

Me: “Oh its no big deal, but you scared me there for a second.”

Cop: “Sorry about that….by the way, you waiting for someone or what?”

Me: “Oh yeah I was waiting for my Mom to pick me up- I just got out of my piano lessons like 10 minutes ago over there.” [points at building]

Cop: “Hm. Well take it easy- now I just gotta go tell the people inside its ok.” [laugh]

Me: “Good day!” [at that moment my Mom arrives and I jump in and drive off without any other hassle- oh and I say good day a lot to adults because I’ve worked as a cashier at a few jobs and I’m so used to saying it]

Overall it was a jarring experience. I had no idea why those people inside the building were freaking out and locking all the exits, but now I do. XD It actually crossed my mind that maybe they thought I was attractive or something and they just couldn’t keep their greedy eyes off me- Ha! Wow! Totally wrong!

-Neverhitboxes

-Staring does not equal hotness. -Neverhitboxes

    So let me admit right here, that I am a big fan of Zelda. I bought both the Wii and Zelda at launch and have spent 40+ hours playing it. Being the young and determined person I am, I beat the game in 35 hours. My Dad on the other hand, is not even half way through yet and has spent 100+ hours (according to his save file). Here begins my story.

“God Dammit!” “Shit!” “Oh fuck! I have to do it again?!” These are the sounds that emanate from the downstairs living room. My Dad is playing Zelda again. My Dad is well into his mid fifties and wasn’t born into a generation where video games existed, but even with that said it still doesn’t stop him from swearing up a storm when he gets knocked off his horse or when he dies in a boss battle. My Dad is truly determined to do whatever it takes to beat Zelda. He calls me when I’m out with friends (true story) and asks me, “Hey Jeff, how do you do a Shield Attack? It keeps asking me to do a shield attack and I have no CLUE (with emphasis) what the hell its talking about!” Then I will have to tell him how to do it, and chances are he probably still won’t get it, but by some chance, he discovers how to do it by pure luck accident (aka wave around the controllers).

            His sense of direction is alright in real life, but for some odd reason, real-life doesn’t transfer to what I call, “A Virtual Sense of Direction”(a term coined by me). He always runs around in circles and goes back into rooms he has already been in and wonders why everything looks familiar. It’s a true test of patience, I’ll have to say. I really have to try and not point out what he has to do, or beg him to let me do it for him. It is painful to watch, in fact I’m pretty sure that if you wanted to torture someone, all one would have to do is tie them down and make him/her watch my Dad play Zelda (I can hear their screams of frustration as I type this, “Oh God! You already did that temple!! Somebody, please, I’ll do anything! Get this man a strategy guide!!”). That’s why I usually bring a book with me so I don’t have to silently weep while watching him play (in fact when my brothers came down from LA, my brother Michael pointed out that that we all started reading books when my Dad began to play Zelda).

            Dad, I love you, but your navigation skills I’m afraid are in another castle.

 -Neverhitboxes

    So the story begins when I added my good friend, and went to her profile (on myspace of course). On her page was one of those “interactive refrigerator magnet boards” that one can drag letters to form messages to “get your friends excited about absolutely nothing”. So I put up a geeky reference and just saved it. Then like 5 minutes later, she posts a bulletin……..(The names and pictures have been blurred/sloppily “liquefied” for security reasons, and the rest is pretty self explanatory XD)

Yeah, I guess I am a really dorky guy.

-Neverhitboxes

Does anyone else think this is funny besides me?

Archive Time!

Before I begin, I would like to give some background. I am 17 years old and I started blogging stories about 2 years ago. This is a true story, and it’s one of my stories from the archives of my old blog. Hope you enjoy it?

I’m sure many of you shower, many some of you daily. (if one does not shower daily = black plauge) As for myself, I shower twice a day. Now for most people, showers are awesome because they have awesome showerheads. Well I got none of that fancy waterworks….let me fill you in on how much mine sucks.

Tuning the hot and cold water dials on my shower takes some serious skill. One must have the feel of a locksmith- who can feel the tumblers through the dial of the lock. Like if your hands are soapy, you cant grasp the dials at all- so if your being scalded by by some inconceivable amount of scalding water- your screwed. Not only that, you have to calibrate them back and forth to get the water just right. Like for me, a 1/16 of an inch = 1,000 degrees. So its like this, *tweak* “OH SH**!!” I’m pretty sure if you were to hang outside my house (which I’m sure many of you DON’T) at this time, you would hear alot of screams eminating from my bathroom.

Then there is the showerhead itself. It lets like absolutely zero water through, its astounding, even I still can’t get over how little water it lets through. It has all the power of an old man peeing. It is THEE (with two e’s to put emphasis) worst showerhead ever, and it doesent even shoot out that far. So I have to huddle under it, which is very uncomfortable being that I am taller than the shower heads level and have to crouch under it as the water dribbles out lazily like a haggard beggar.

I think what my problem is, that my showerhead is depressed, and if its not depressed then I dont know what the hell it is but it sure isn’t getting me any cleaner. I want one of those showers where they have 500 showerheads that shoot out from every possible angle, and it consumes as much water as possible. I want it to take up so much water there are droughts! News Tonight: “Sadly 1,000 people died today in Danville where they could not get enough water. Sources indicate that a local teenager’s 10 minute shower was the source of the drought. Police are shocked at the teenager’s atrocious need for water and his appalling cleanliness.” I’d be famous…

-Neverhitboxes

I have idea where this screen shot is from, or even if its real. But one things for sure, it’s damn funny.